Local Man Loses Memory…We Think

Denver- He woke up outside a take-out Chinese food restaurant last Tuesday without his socks, one shoe, or a name.

Sounds like a common robbery right? Well, except for the name part, but in any case you would be wrong. This man woke up without a memory, no recollection of who he was or how he got in front of the Dragons R’ Us restaurant. He decided to call himself, Sandy.

Why Sandy you ask? “Look man I think it’s amazing I could even recall what a ‘name’ was,” he said. “I mean, I woke up and the first thing I did was ask that fire hydrant over there to make me some waffles… I’m still waiting.”

Sandy says he has no memory of his real name, where his family is or why he smells like whiskey and schnapps. All he knows is that the smells of Chinese breakfast foods woke him early in the morning, made him nauseous immediately, and prompted him to explain how, despite the memory loss, he knew what he had for dinner the night before.

This tragic story took an odd turn when, as they hosed off the sidewalk and Sandy was standing on the corner of the street contemplating what to do next with only one shoe, he suddenly said “Boy, Taco Bell sounds really good right now.”

“Wait a minute,” I said, “How do you remember Taco Bell?”

Sandy looked up for a split-second and said, “I don’t know man, I just do. Maybe I worked there in my old life, or was born in the bathroom there or something. Hey can you spot me a few dollars?”

“Maybe…” I replied, my journalistic sense tingling like a spider monkey running down my back. “What did you say your parents’ names are?”

“Phil an…I mean I only wish I could remember. I just wish I knew where I belong in life.”

“Oh come on!” I yelled, “You were just about to say Phil and someone else. Are you sure you can’t remember anything?”

“Um, can you repeat the question?” he asked. “I’m suffering from amnesia; I don’t remember a lot of things. Who are you? I thought I was in front of a Taco Bell, what did you do with the Taco Bell!?”

“Right,” I said. “How do you even know what amnesia is if you can’t remember anything?”

“Uh someone told me, a nice old lady. Wait, what were you saying?”

“I’m the first person you have talked to today. I found you throwing up whiskey outside Dragons R’ Us as I was about to go inside for breakfast.”

“See, I uh, did not remember that,” ‘Sandy’ said beginning to walk away. Or actually sort of hobbling in his one shoe.

“So you’re not going to lend me any money for Taco Bell?”