Just When You Thought You Were Safe, We Pull You Back In

Well folks, the proverbial sternum has been pushed repeatedly and the sweet air of analogy has been breathed into the lungs of Swords and Trampolines after a long spell of metaphorical death.

Our sincere apologies to those of you left weeping and gnashing your teeth in our absence. What can we say but meth is one hell of a drug.

Actually, truth be told, higher powers than us tried to clip our wings and cancel us during the past few weeks. They said we were not supporting the true spirit of Thanksgiving, and we had taken a strong anti-turkey approach in recent writings. (Look people steak is the best and should be eaten all the time, by everyone, everywhere. Just make the steak stuffed with turkey.)

Anyway, our absence hasn't gone unnoticed. By ourselves. Naked. Actually, we didn't mean that: we take it back.

Thanks again for joining us, with the combined hits from the editors and their mothers (sorry, mom), our publication has reached over 200 viewings.

Now, this doesn't include the 10 times that we asked a few of you to "hit reload" because there was allegedly "new content." We take no responsibility for the pending content on our site, which today you will find to be a beautiful bounty of two of the greatest videos you have ever seen, and two of the worst stories known to man.

Ahh yes. Happy Holidays to you all, and be assured that we will not go quietly into the night. Unless our mothers come out here and hit us with frying pans. Again.

Stop it, mom.