Doctors Baffled By New Disorder

Broomfield, CO- Doctors and scientists announced the discovery of a new disorder Sunday, but are thus far unable to diagnose or explain it according to information attained during yesterday’s press conference.

According to doctors and eyewitnesses, Kareem “The Big Higgins” Loggins was working out at the local 6 Hour Fitness at his usual time when something unusual began to happen.

“He yelled a bunch of numbers as he was pushing the waits up during the bench press,” said 6 Hour Fitness patron Tom Roosevelt, better known as the old guy who always looks like he’s about to die when he works out.

“I didn’t think much of it at first,” Roosevelt continued, “But then he yelled them again and I noticed a pattern so I wrote them down. Turns out it was his social security number.”

Things only got stranger from there according to Roosevelt. At one point Loggins was heard bellowing “My best friend John has three nipples!” during his squat press. Later as he continued to lift weights he yelled “Chris has a thing for midgets!” referring to his friend Chris’s affinity for Dwarf women.

“He was yelling secrets when he strained himself,” stated Dr. Bill “I dare you to try to read my signature” Meadows of the Important and Professional Medical Establishment at the press conference.

“The disorder, which we are tentatively naming ‘Weird’ is like Tourette’s Syndrome, only combined with being untrustworthy so he yells deep secrets instead of random seal noises” said Dr. Meadows.

Loggins, who does not realize that he’s saying these things, claims that he does not have a lot of secrets and would never yell them in public if he did. “That would like, be mean of me,” he said.

But then I gave him a jar of pickles and asked him to open the lid.

As he strained to unscrew the “accidentally” glued-on lid, he roared “My mom once flashed Twisted Sister because she thought they were Queen!”

Hey nobody set any rules about this in journalism college.